Tales of the Broken
by JMLHCPKSfan
Summary: Kendall is a struggling writer moving home on hiatus. James is a father working the pole for his money. When the two collide, Kendall is given a story to inspire his new novel, "Tales of the Broken", while also given a new chance for happiness.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone and welcome to another one of my creations! :) I'm so glad you're reading, and I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

* * *

Kendall Knight sat at his desk, the cursor key blinking on his blank word document. He willed his brain to think. _Think_. He needed a groundbreaking idea for his next mystery, and right now the idea itself was the biggest mystery.

He sighed and rubbed his face before staring at the blank page on his Mac.

It had never been this hard for him to come up with something to write. He had written four best-selling mystery novels, and all of those concepts came to him without hesitation.

He rolled his chair back and stood, stretching. He needed to take a break. Get some _food._ Maybe a little TV would give him some inspiration.

_The Backwoods, By Kendall Knight _sat on his shelf, right beside _Find Me, The Gutter, _and _Watch Out For Nancy_. All were stamped with a golden _#1 Best Seller _on the cover, and all earned him enough money to keep him out of work for now.

"Maybe… A mother and her son," Kendall began, opening the fridge and frowning at the empty shelves. "Who starve in their own home."

_No, that's dumb._

He sighed to himself, opening his drawer and going for the Chinese takeout menu, whipping out his phone as he looked over his dinner choices.

Kendall had been trying for a new novel for a few months now. He would get about three chapters in and be very excited and confident, but his editor would tell him it was all wrong- he needed _fresh _and _exciting_. Not a granny being found buried in the woods. Not dogs all over a neighborhood being mutilated by an unknown culprit.

He guessed he just didn't have that flare anymore.

What gave him the flare before? His ex-boyfriend, Logan. All through Kendall's success, Logan was there by his side, inspiring him and supporting him.

But now Logan was a doctor. Too busy for a relationship. Too busy for a wedding and kids and happiness. At least, that's what he told Kendall. He just wanted to focus on his career. Maybe after he had things under control, he could think about Kendall again. But at the time, Logan claimed he felt guilty for not being able to give Kendall the attention he needed.

He was even too busy to move out of their apartment, so they were stuck together.

They had dated for three years and survived Logan's medical school before Kendall proposed and everything blew up in his face.

_"Kenny, there's too much going on for me,"_ Logan had said, brows furrowed as he pulled Kendall to his feet from his knee. _"I just got a job- my first job as a doctor. Things are gonna get hectic and I'm not gonna be able to plan a wedding or even be around to give you the attention you deserve."_

_"That's okay. We can take as long as you need for planning,"_ Kendall assured.

_"I love you, baby, but I think it's best that we take a break_," Logan said softly, his chocolate brown eyes dropping.

_"What? No. You can't do this to me_," Kendall said shakily, in shock. _"It's been two years!"_

_"I know. And I think that once things calm down in my life, maybe I can think about being with you again. But right now, I promise it's best. I've been thinking about it a lot, and it has to be done."_

That was three months ago, and Kendall felt that he still loved Logan, though he knew that was bad for his sanity. A part of him hoped that when Logan called or came to check on him, he was coming back for Kendall, asking for him back. Of course that wasn't happening. Meanwhile, Logan was going on dates and having a grand time being a bachelor, and Kendall was left rotting in his wake.

"A man… Who kills his ex because if he can't have him, nobody can," Kendall said, sitting on the counter and pulling up the Chinese restaurant number in his phone. He looked up in surprise, then smirked. "That was morbid."

His thumb went to press the "call" button when he realized that it was midnight and the place wouldn't even be open.

"Fuck," he grumbled, slipping off the counter and onto his feet. "Ramen noodles it is. Again."

* * *

Frustrated, Kendall highlighted all three pages of the word document he had been building on and deleted it all.

"It's all shit," he growled, getting up angrily.

He didn't have it anymore, and he knew it. He couldn't force an idea to pop into his head and onto the computer. Couldn't force people to like it and buy his books.

He went into the bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror.

His hair was too long, a beard was starting on his jaw, and his eyes were red and tired. Kendall sighed and started the shower up.

Maybe some hygiene would help.

He showered, shaved, and brushed his teeth before walking out into the bedroom to put on fresh clothes.

Next he would fix something to eat. Logan had gotten groceries on his way home late last night- he was sure he could find something good.

A note was written on the fridge with a dry-erase marker from Logan.

A few months ago, the note would say "Have a great day! I love you!", which is why Kendall's heart flooded with hope when he saw the letters. Unfortunately, it didn't say that. It said "Be home at 6 tonight, I'll bring pizza."

Kendall's hand squealed against the smooth surface of the fridge as he smudged the letters angrily.

He was tired of Logan acting like they hadn't broken up. Acting like nothing happened, like it was still Logan's job to take care of him.

Logan still brought dinner home for Kendall when he could. Still offered to take off work when Kendall was sick. Still asked if Kendall wanted to go out for lunch. Still cleaned up the apartment when Kendall was busy.

The way Kendall saw it, he needed as much distance as he could from Logan to get over him. He didn't need a nanny or a maid, he was a grown man.

He ate a bowl of Lucky Charms out on the terrace overlooking LA. It was the business part of LA- there were no celebrities or tourists roaming. It was just apartment and office buildings with joggers and people walking to work below.

It got Kendall thinking about how much he missed cozy neighborhoods and woods and ponds and quaint little playgrounds that he got when he lived back in Minnesota.

He and Logan both lived in Minnesota two years ago, Logan in his own apartment and Kendall living in an apartment with a roommate. That's where they grew up.

Then Logan got an offer to transfer and graduate from the medical school here in LA, and he took it. And of course, not wanting to lose his beloved Logan, Kendall followed and they moved into this apartment. At that time Logan took an apprentice job at the hospital which soon landed him a job.

Now they were broken up, but Kendall had to deal with the pain of seeing Logan almost every day and having Logan take care of him against his will.

He needed to change his life.

All of it.

He needed to move out of this apartment and be away from Logan so that he could heal properly. Logan was the center of all his problems- his writer's block and his depression.

And who's to say Kendall had to get an apartment here in LA? There was nothing for him here but Logan, and he was trying to get away from him.

He w_as _missing Minnesota and his family. Maybe he could go home to Minnesota. Maybe that would help with his writer's block.

But… Did he want to keep writing?

It didn't make him happy like it used to- it just stressed him out now. Maybe taking that out of his life along with Logan would do him some good.

Immediately Kendall got up, opening the glass door with his elbow as he dug a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

He had to call his mom and tell her.

He had to look for an apartment.

He had to delete all those horrible first-chapter drafts on his computer.

He had to pack- the sooner he was packed the sooner he could leave.

* * *

Logan entered the apartment with a pizza in one hand and his keys in the other.

"Kendall!" he called, kicking the door closed behind him. There was no answer, but he could clearly hear someone in Kendall's bedroom/office.

He put the pizza on the table and went to knock on the door.

"Kendall? Are you hungry?" he asked, opening the door.

"I'm fine, Logan," Kendall said, turning to his ex-boyfriend and seeing the shock in those dark eyes.

He was seeing the boxes all around the room, full of Kendall's things.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I'm moving out."

"Why?"

"Because I can't handle living here with you anymore, Logan," Kendall sighed, turning back to fold up his clothes and put them in a suitcase. "You act like nothing happened, and it's killing me. I need to have my distance from you."

"So go on a vacation."

"I'm moving back to Minnesota," Kendall said, turning to his ex-boyfriend.

"All the way back home? That's so far."

"There's nothing for me here."

"What about me?"

"You're not mine anymore," Kendall said softly. "Unless you want to get back together?"

"No…"

"Then I need to be home, where I'm happy," Kendall said, honestly a little heartbroken by the solid "no" he was given.

Logan slowly went to sit on the bed, in a daze.

"I'm sorry, Logan," Kendall said, going back to packing. "But I'm so depressed. I need a change. I'm even quitting writing."

"What? You love writing."

"I did. But now it doesn't come so easily," Kendall shrugged. "Maybe I'll go home and write articles or something- I have a journalism degree."

"Are you serious about this?"

"I'm dead serious."

Logan was silent, staring up at Kendall and catching his eyes.

"I'll miss you," Logan said seriously.

"Well… It's better this way."

Logan sighed and nodded.

"You know I'll support anything you decide, Kendall. I just wish there was something I could do to keep you in my life."

"It's not goodbye forever," Kendall murmured. "This is just something I need to do."

"I'm glad you're thinking about yourself for once."

"Me, too."

"I hope you find what you're looking for back home. And I'm sorry- I didn't realize that you were sad."

Kendall's eyes dropped and he nodded.

"I'm leaving tomorrow," he said.

"You're going to your mom's?"

"Yeah."

"Call me when you get there."

Kendall nodded, though he knew he wouldn't call.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you everyone who supported the first chapter! :D I really appreciate it- I didn't expect this story to get very many readers, but I'm pleasantly surprised. This chapter will be more entertaining, and I hope you love it. :) Oh, and thank you, ****waitingFORthePERFECTsong9092 for your endless stream of ideas and helpful hints. :D**

* * *

James parked outside of his ex's house, looking up at himself in the mirror. He tried to smear as much eyeliner as possible off of his eyelids and brush a little glitter from his skin, but he knew it was no use. There was no satisfying Val. She would be pissed off either way. He pulled his hoodie over him and fixed his hair a little, trying to look presentable.

"DADDY!"

The yell sent his heart booming with happiness and he quickly got out of his white Dodge Charger to meet his son in a hug. The cool October breeze rustled their identical brown hair and the world seemed to stop as they put their arms around one another.

"Olly! I missed you, buddy," James said happily, Oliver's arms wrapped around his neck. They hadn't seen one another in what seemed like forever, although they were the light of one another's lives.

"I missed you, too," the four-year-old said, pulling back to kiss his father's cheek. "You're sparkly!"

"I just came from work," James said, standing with his son in his arms.

"Did you get a lot of paper?"

James chuckled at Oliver's name for money. Specifically "Daddy's paper", which is all one dollar bills, crinkled and balled up.

"I sure did. Enough to take you to get a new toy today," James said with a smile. He hadn't been home since ten o'clock the previous night, and now it was seven the next morning. He hadn't slept, but he would rather spend the day with his son than sleep.

"Hi, James," came the dreaded voice James knew all too well.

"Val," James said, turning from their son to the woman who stood between them in life.

"What did I tell you about letting him see you this way?" she asked, going to the back door of the Charger and tossing in a little backpack of Oliver's things before putting in the car seat.

"I just came from work, Val."

"That's disgusting."

"You act like I'm a prostitute," he said, rolling his eyes and putting Oliver down to strap the car seat into the backseat. "I'm just a stripper, Val. No sex involved."

"He hasn't seen you in three weeks and the first time he does you're smelling like a strip club and looking like a fairy," Val spat.

"Oh please," James grumbled, finishing with the car seat and looking at her. "He doesn't care. He's just glad to see me because _someone _won't even consider handing him off to his own father for a day once in a while."

Val shook her head at him before sinking to her knees, hugging Oliver.

"Have fun with Daddy, baby," she said. "Be careful. I love you."

"Love you, too," he said as she kissed him. She then stood and turned to James.

"His inhaler is in his backpack. Don't let him go out without a jacket. Don't give him too many sweets- no soda. Hold his hand in public- he likes to stray. And-"

"I got it, Val," James sighed, picking Oliver up. He turned and set the child in the car seat, and Oliver started to strap himself in. "Just let me show you I'm a good dad."

Val looked up at him, and James knew what she wanted to say. _How can a stripper be a good dad? _Luckily she just sighed and leaned in to kiss Oliver once more before closing the door.

"Just be careful," she said up to James pleadingly.

"I always am. Why don't you get that I love him?" James demanded softly. "If you let me see him more you'd know that. He's the light of my life, Val."

"I know… I know."

"Trust me. I know what I'm doing."

"Well last you saw him he had an allergic reaction," she reminded him.

"Minor," James smarted.

"He had hives for hours."

James sighed, remembering how afraid he was when he noticed the hives, when Oliver told him that it was hard to breathe. He felt like such a bad father for forgetting about Oliver's allergy to shellfish.

"It won't happen again," James assured.

"It's not hard to keep him from shellfish. It's not like they hide crabmeat in cookies or anything. You have one job- don't give him shellfish."

James knew he would never live it down. Last time he had Oliver for the day, he gave him shrimp and later had to inject his son with an Epipen before his throat closed up. He had no choice but to call Val and tell her what happened, and of course she immediately collected their son, lectured James, and kept them apart for weeks.

"You'll see, Val. I won't fuck this up," he said, opening his car door. "Then maybe I'll be able to see him now and then."

"We'll see."

* * *

"So what do you wanna do today, Olly?" James asked as he carried Oliver up the stairs to his apartment.

"I dunno," Oliver said, his cheek on his dad's shoulder and his arm around his neck. "Play."

James unlocked the apartment door and entered, turning on the light and locking the door behind him again.

He let Oliver down on the ground and immediately the child ran off to his toy-box to play.

James knew he needed a shower to get the glitter, makeup, and sweat off of his body, but he couldn't leave Oliver alone. He also needed a nap, since he hadn't slept in what seemed like forever. None of that would happen, though. He couldn't spend even a minute away from his beloved son- he didn't want to miss anything.

Besides- he wasn't too nasty. Luckily not many disgusting men come into his club- they were mainly fruity gay men who chanted for "full banana", men who were married to women but had a guilty pleasure for male strippers, or women. James loved both the male and female customers- the bachelorette parties loved him and he loved performing for them.

He loved his job.

It was only when he was around Oliver, sparkling and made up, that he felt like he shouldn't be doing it. His son saw him like Superman, and when he was older and understood how his daddy made so much money, he might hate him. Val had said it before and James knew it to be the truth- a stripper is no role-model for a four-year-old.

James happily took off his shoes and sat on the living room floor with Oliver to play with him.

"I'm starving," Oliver said as they played with his Hot Wheels.

"Mommy didn't feed you breakfast?" James asked, secretly hoping for a reason to point out to Val that she wasn't Supermom, either.

"She did. She maked eggs."

"You're still hungry?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. What do you want to eat?"

"Um…"

"Anything you want," James smiled.

"Waffles," Oliver lit up.

"Good choice, Olly," James beamed. "We'll go get waffles."

* * *

After a big breakfast at IHOP, James and Oliver walked hand-in-hand through the mall.

Being a stripper, James made plenty of money to support himself, and a lot of excess for a nice car and apartment. But today he was going to spoil his son, because it wasn't every day that he got him for the whole day.

"Can I have a puppy?" Oliver asked, slowing down and staring at the dogs and cats in the little animal adoption store. James hesitated, knowing he couldn't get Oliver a puppy, no matter how much he wanted to.

"Not today, Olly," he said. "Mommy wouldn't be happy if I sent you home with a dog."

James could just see the angry look on Val's face if that happened. She would yell at him and lecture him and make him take it home with him. That, or she would take the dog to the pound when Oliver was sleeping.

Okay, that wasn't fair. Val was a great mother and Oliver loved her to death. She was caring and sweet, just not to James.

"Okay," Oliver said, his hazel eyes dropping to the floor.

"I'm sorry, Olly."

* * *

Kendall walked through the aisles of racks of clothes at the mall, Katie at his side.

She was 17 now, and more than willing to go shopping with her older brother for some warmer clothes, since he just came from California where the low on this October day was 73 degrees.

"You need hoodies and jeans and long-sleeve shirts and-"

"And beanies," Kendall added.

"Beanies?" she asked. "You don't think you're too old for beanies?"

Kendall's eyes flashed hurt to his sister's dark ones.

"Do you think so?" he asked. "I'm not old, Katie, I'm still in my twenties."

"I'm forgetting that," she laughed. "You act so much older."

"Well that's gonna change," he said with finality. "I'm away from Logan and I'm turning my life around. Changing everything. I'm gonna get back to my old self."

"Good," she smiled. "I missed you, you know. Even when we talked on the phone you always seemed sad or mad."

"Logan's really fucked me up, baby sister," Kendall sighed. "But I've removed him from my life, and things are gonna change."

"He was so nice, though. And you two seemed so in love," she said, not afraid to push her brother's emotional boundaries for answers. "Did he abuse you?"

"No, nothing like that," Kendall said slowly. "You know the story. I thought things were going so well, and I proposed and was ready to start a family with him and be with him forever. And he just… Tore it all away like it was nothing. It really felt like he didn't care about me as much as I did him. Like he was leading me on or something. Then after that he stuck around and acted like nothing happened, and didn't let me heal. It's not that he's a bad person… He's one of the best people I know. And he doesn't know how bad he hurt me. But the bottom line is that I need a break from him and all the stress that comes with him."

"Do you think he still loves you?" Katie asked as they walked out of the store.

"No," Kendall answered quietly. "If he still loved me, he wouldn't have hurt me like he did. Which tells me I lost him before the end. And if he still loved me, he wouldn't have let me come here."

Katie was silent, Kendall taking a deep breath and finding that it eased the tension in his chest that built up over talking about Logan.

"So what's the next step, big brother?" she finally asked.

"New clothes," Kendall said. "Then a new apartment. I'm gonna start working out- maybe running. I'll probably look for a position in the newspaper, because even though I'm not writing novels anymore I still love writing."

"What about dating?" she asked.

After a short pause, Kendall turned to her.

"Maybe," he finally answered. "I don't know if I'm ready for it yet, but how am I supposed to move on and start anew if I don't try it?"

"You know, Kendall, you're the wisest person I know," Katie said thoughtfully, sitting on the brick edge of the fountain in the center of the mall, her brother sitting beside her after putting the few bags he had down.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, you didn't date anyone if you knew it wouldn't go anywhere. And you fell in love and moved with Logan. Then when things turned to shit-"

"Don't say shit," Kendall interrupted.

"When things turned to _crap _you just left it all," she said. "And it's not like you're running from your problems. If that was it, you would have done this a long time ago. You're making a wise decision, because it's for your wellbeing. You're just so brave."

"Well thanks, Katie," Kendall smiled sheepishly.

Her dark eyes wondered off and targeted something before she shot up and started running. Concerned, Kendall stood, too.

Katie tackled a girl about her age with a group of about three others. Then they exchanged smiles and laughs before talking a while. Then Katie jogged over to her brother, the girls waiting behind.

"Those are my friends," Katie said breathlessly.

"Oh…" Kendall said, watching as the girls caught sight of him and waved flirtatiously. He waved politely.

"They asked me to go shoe shopping with them," Katie explained.

"You?" Kendall asked incredulously. "Shoe shopping?"

"Puberty has changed me, big brother," Katie grinned.

"Go ahead," Kendall smirked.

"You'll be okay?"

"I'm a grown man."

"Cool," Katie beamed. "I'll catch a ride home."

Kendall watched her take her bag and run off to join the girls. He guessed she was right- puberty _had _changed her. Since when did she wear a purse or like shopping or _have friends_?

Kendall chuckled to himself before sitting back on the edge of the fountain, deciding he wasn't ready to keep shopping just yet.

* * *

James looked at the knees of each passing person frantically, looking for a tiny boy with dark hair and a little blue sweater on.

He had looked away for one minute and suddenly Oliver was gone.

_Hold his hand in public- he likes to stray, _Val's voice rang in his head, his heart pounding in his ears and tears threatening behind his eyes.

James had been through a lot in his life, but he hadn't had such a scare in a long time.

"Olly?" he called, walking fast and searching. "OLLY? Oliver Brandon!"

Now people were looking at him. The tall, buff man with makeup on and a little bit of sparkle residue on his skin, yelling and looking around like a madman.

_I'm such a horrible father, _he thought frantically to himself. _I knew I was supposed to hold his hand and I let go of him! I bet he's off somewhere eating shrimp and crabmeat!_

The thoughts of what happened to him when he was a little boy ran through his head, threatening to send him sobbing on the ground in fear that such things could be happening to his own son. Such physical, mental, and sexual abuse wasn't right for a little boy like Oliver.

He was trying not to cry.

What would Val do in this situation?

Well, Val wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. Val is a good parent.

* * *

Oliver knelt on the ground, reaching his arm through the bar of the cage to let the puppy inside lick his fingers. He giggled with excitement, then he felt another wet nose sniffing his arm and turned to the tiny dog that was standing free beside him, its tail wagging happily. Oliver ruffled the dog's fur and let it lick his face.

"Daddy, loo-" Oliver began, looking up for his father, but finding that he wasn't there. "Daddy?"

He stood, and the puppy jumped up on him, but Oliver didn't pay attention to it.

"I havta go, puppy," he finally said, pushing the dog's paws from him before leaving the adoption center.

He stood there, looking around for his daddy, who seemed to stand so much bigger than all the other people normally. His father was the biggest, most handsome, most muscular and nicest man Oliver knew- his Superman- and usually stood out to him. This time, though, he didn't see him.

"Daddy?" he called.

He expected a deep "Olly?" in return, accompanying his father appearing. But there was nothing.

Oliver walked over to the fountain, where just a while ago he and his father tossed pennies in.

Now he was afraid. What if his father left him? What if Oliver was stuck here forever? What if his daddy was kidnapped?

He started to cry then, standing before the fountain and looking around helplessly.

Being only four, he had no clue what to do, who to ask for help, or where to look. So he just sat on the brick edge of the fountain and cried, looking around for his father.

"Excuse me," came a voice from beside Oliver, making him jump and look to a tall blonde man. "Are you lost?"

Oliver knew he shouldn't talk to strangers- his mom had told him that. But this man seemed as big as his daddy, and had nice green eyes and a friendly smile that told him that he was safe.

"Yeah," he said, wiping his damp lashes on his sweater sleeve.

"Who are you here with?" the man asked, keeping his distance.

"Daddy."

"What does he look like?"

"He's big," Oliver said.

"What color is his hair?"

"It's brown. Like mine."

"Okay," the man said slowly, looking around.

"What's your name?" Oliver asked.

The man turned back to Oliver in shock.

"Um… My name's Kendall."

"Okay."

Kendall decided it was best he didn't ask the child's name- it might come off as creepy to the other people. Besides, he didn't need to know the child's name.

"Let's stay here until he finds you, okay?" Kendall said, not knowing what else to do, but the child seemed to be calming down now.

"He leaved."

"I'm sure he didn't leave," Kendall soothed. "I bet he's looking for you right now. He'll find you."

"Okay," Oliver sighed, looking longingly back into the water.

Kendall looked around for a "big" man with the same dark hair as this kid. He was honestly looking for a fat man, probably with dirty clothes that smelled of liquor with a five-o'clock-shadow, who was too busy doing God-knows-what to notice that his child was gone, and maybe he didn't care.

But when finally Oliver yelled "DADDY!" and climbed off of the fountain ledge, Kendall was surprised by who he saw catch the boy in a hug.

He was a really tall man- about Kendall's age, maybe a little older. His tearful eyes were framed with long dark lashes and eyeliner, which Kendall found oddly sexy, and a few sparkles dotted the outsides of his eyes. His dark hair matched Oliver's in color and texture and was short and pushed back. His skin matched Oliver's, too, as it was olive-colored and soft looking. He had a five-o'clock-shadow, all right. But it wasn't a stingy one. It was worn in a sexy way- probably hadn't been shaved for a few days, but it was there purposely.

"Olly, don't _ever _run away from me again," the man scolded, though he was obviously panicked about losing his child.

"I just went to pet the puppies," Oliver said, his father's embrace engulfing and crushing him.

"You scared me so bad, I thought you were gone," James sighed. Finally he stood, his child in his arm, to look down at the man who helped his child.

"Thanks for helping out," he said with a charming smile.

"Well, I mean, he was crying and alone," the stranger smiled back, obviously responding to James' slight advance. "Any decent person would step in."

"None of the other decent people did," James pointed out with a smirk, gesturing to the other mall-goers around them. The blonde stranger laughed a little and shrugged.

"He's adorable," he said.

"He gets it from me," James said charismatically, making the man laugh again.

"I wonder if he has your confidence, too?"

"Not yet. I'm thinking around puberty it'll hit, though," James winked. "We have to get going- have a talk about _not _telling Mommy about this little incident."

"Have fun with _that_," the man smirked, and James smiled back and turned away.

* * *

"Remember, Olly," James said, unlatching the complex pattern on Oliver's car seat straps. "You can't tell Mommy about being lost and meeting that man."

"Why?"

"Cause Mommy will be mad at me if she finds out I lost you."

"Why?"

"Cause Mommy doesn't like me very much."

"Why?"

"Because she doesn't like to share you."

"Why?"

"Oliver," James warned. Oliver giggled and his father smiled, too. "If you tell Mommy, then she won't let us be together for a long time."

"Oh…"

"Eventually I want to be able to spend all day with you, and you be able to sleep at my house," James said, their matching hazel eyes locked on one another. "And if Mommy finds out about the mall accident, that might never happen."

"Okay I won't tell," Oliver said quickly as he climbed out of the car. "Promise."

"Good," James said, looking up and out the window, finding that Val was approaching from the house.

"Daddy, don't leave me," Oliver suddenly pleaded as James hugged him goodbye.

"I have to, baby. I gotta go home and take a nap before work," James said apologetically.

"No!" Oliver said, voice growing tearful. "I wanna stay at your house!"

"I know, Olly," James said, pained, as he hugged the boy tighter. "I'll see you soon- hopefully."

Val arrived at the scene and started to take the car seat from James' car.

"I love you, buddy," James said, pulling away to see that his son's eyes were tearful.

"Love you, too."

"C'mon, Olly. Time for dinner," Val said, holding the car seat and waiting for Oliver to follow her to the house.

"Nooo!"

"Oliver Brandon," Val said incredulously, having trained their son to never say no to her.

"I wanna stay with Daddy."

"Daddy has to work."

When Oliver clung to James even longer, James looked up at his ex triumphantly. She sighed and rolled her eyes at him, putting the car seat on the sidewalk.

"I'll go to work, too," Oliver offered, his voice shaky.

"No!" Val said quickly, making James chuckle.

"You have to go and eat dinner, Olly," James said, pulling the boy away from him. "I'll see you soon."

"How soon?"

James looked up at Val and she sighed, obviously impatient to get inside, away from the cold.

"How about on Wednesday?" she offered.

"Wednesday?" James perked up, trying to cheer Oliver up. "That's only a few days away!"

Oliver smiled a little and James wiped his tears away.

"Come in and tell me all about your day," Val said, reaching out her hand for Oliver. Oliver took it and kissed his father goodbye before disappearing with a longing glance back at him at the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Kendall jogged along the sidewalk of the park, his breath puffing fog out into the cool air. It felt good to exercise, to get out and just run.

He slowed to a walk near the empty playground, looking at it and remembering he and Katie as kids swinging and sliding on that same rusty jungle-gym years ago. Now Katie was practically an adult, with a drivers license, a car, and multiple jobs.

Kendall sat atop a picnic table overlooking the playground as he took a drink of his water, which felt unpleasantly cold in his mouth. He would rather have coffee right about now.

He lay back against the rotting wood and looked up at the blue October sky and the bare treetops.

* * *

It was finally Wednesday- a day that James was unsure would ever come.

"Be careful, Olly," he called as his son ran to the playground excitedly. "Don't fall!"

His hands dug deep into his pockets as his eyes wondered.

Of course the first thing he saw was a strange man at the picnic table.

He opened his mouth to call for Oliver so they could leave. James was a father, and naturally he pegged strange men alone at a playground as child molesters.

But before he could call his child's name, Oliver was standing in the pebbles of the playground with the Frisbee in his hand, calling to his father to teach him to throw it.

The man sat up on the picnic table, and while James could only see him from a distance he decided he didn't look like a pedophile and relaxed a little.

He taught Oliver to throw the flying disk. This is what he lived for- moments where he could do fatherly things. Things that are only special when shared between a man and his son. And it was definitely special for James.

It was only when the Frisbee flew past Oliver and right in front of the man that James got worried. Oliver ran for it without a thought and the man picked it up.

James took a few protective steps forward as Oliver took the Frisbee from the man, the man giving a friendly smile.

"I know you!" Oliver said excited to the man. He recognized those special green eyes and nice smile.

"I know you, too," the man grinned. James hurried to his boy and snatched him up.

"Daddy, he's from the stores!" Oliver said, "the stores" being his way of saying "the mall".

James turned back to the man, only a few feet away now, and faintly recognized the face he saw at the mall- the man who helped Oliver when he was lost.

"I hardly recognized you without your makeup," the man chuckled.

"I'm really sorry, man," James smiled a little. "I thought you were a child molester."

"I've been trying pretty hard to not come across like that, actually."

James let Oliver down onto the grass and Oliver climbed up on the table beside the man, James hoping he wasn't this comfortable with every stranger.

"I'm James," James said, offering his hand.

"Kendall," the man smiled, shaking his hand.

"I'm Olly," Oliver said, tapping Kendall's arm with a finger.

"Oliver," James corrected. "He's my son."

"I can tell," Kendall remarked. "Sorry for seeming creepy- I was running and needed a rest."

"Well now I know you, so you're not creepy," James smiled, a little taken aback by Kendall's glowing eyes and dimply smile. He was the type of man that riled up James' gay side- tall, handsome, friendly. It seemed James was more gay than straight these days, but he guessed he was still attracted to some women. "Do you live around here?"

"I just moved back from LA," Kendall nodded, leaning back on his hands. "Living with Mommy up on Poplar Street."

"Grandma and Grandpa live there!" Oliver gasped.

"That's right," James nodded.

"The house with the 'For Sale' sign?" Kendall asked, cocking his head.

"For sale?" James repeated, confused. "It's little and white with a red mailbox."

"That's the one. I know them- their daughter used to babysit my sister. Are they your parents?"

"His mom's parents. So I guess you know my ex, then. Val?"

"Vaguely," Kendall nodded. "I only saw her occasionally. Is she… Not in the equation for you?" Kendall asked, trying to be casual about the question.

"Actually, it's more me that's out of the equation," James laughed a little, Kendall deciding not to pry, but nodding instead.

"Do you wanna play with us?" Oliver asked Kendall excitedly.

"I'd like to, but I need to get home," Kendall said apologetically, standing up.

"Oh… Okay."

"I'm sure we'll bump into you somewhere else," James gave a dazzling grin and Kendall smirked back.

"Till next time, then," he said.

* * *

James and Oliver were in the middle of a pizza lunch when there was a knock at the door.

"Uh-oh, who's that?" James asked, getting up. "Stay here."

He hurried to the door and looked out the peep hole, relieved to see that it was just his friend, Carlos. He didn't know who he expected- maybe Val here to take their son back.

"Hey, man!" James smiled, slinging the door open. Carlos gave a toothy grin as he let himself in.

"Where is he?" he asked, looking around.

"Olly!" James called, leading Carlos to the living room area. "Carlos came to see you."

As Oliver happily wiped his greasy hands on a napkin and got up, James looked his friend over.

"It's weird to see you with clothes on," he said flatly.

"Back at you," Carlos smirked, squatting to catch Oliver's hug.

Carlos was James' age and worked at the strip club with James. The ladies (and gentlemen) loved his spicy Latin looks along with his playful and entertaining ways. He entertained both men and women, though he was straight. James and Carlos had become best friends in their time together, and Carlos was a frequent visitor.

"We have pizza!" Oliver said happily, pulling away and taking Carlos' hand. "And we're watchin' Shrek!"

"Shrek, eh?" Carlos giggled at his friend, who rolled his eyes with a smile.

Carlos sat on the floor with them and picked up a slice of pizza.

"Are you working tonight?" James asked over a mouthful.

"Nope," Carlos said. "I have today off. You?"

"I'm going in later."

"She's still not letting him sleep here?" Carlos asked about Oliver.

"I'm hoping soon she will… So far no mishaps today to make her hate me," James smirked a little. "Last time he got lost in the mall."

"So what? I got lost places all the time- eventually I got found," Carlos smirked. "I was the littlest of five boys- they gave up by then."

"Yeah, well he's all we have and he's coddled to death," James said, rolling his eyes.

"Look, this is my favorite part!" Oliver beamed, getting the men's attention to the movie.

* * *

A few hours later there was yet another knock on the door.

"Wow- I'm popular today," James said, confused, as he got up to answer it.

He opened the door to see Val standing there, her dark hair up in a ponytail and in her waitressing uniform, obviously coming from work. He hadn't realized that it was almost time for him to go to work, and Val was here to get Oliver.

"I need to talk to you," she said quietly, letting herself in.

"Okay…"

"Privately," she said uncomfortably, laying eyes on Carlos, who she had never met before. He was lying on his stomach with Oliver building things with Legos.

"That doesn't sound good…" James said, leading Val to the bedroom. She looked around, obviously imagining all the people who had visited and done dirty things in that bed, which was in reality none.

Val sat on the bed, looking down at her hands and chewing her lip.

"I've never seen you so nervous about giving _me _news," James said smartly.

"Well… I just don't know how to say it."

"What? Are you pregnant? Need money? Want a lap dance?"

"James, be serious," she scolded, getting up and sighing. "Olly and I are moving."

"What?" James snapped, all traces of fun gone.

"My parents are moving to Florida," she said, turning to him.

"So?"

"They're at that age," she sighed. "They're old. They need me."

"They're in their sixties- they're fine."

"Mom fell last week and was in the hospital."

"Then why are they going to Florida?" James demanded. "It's not like they can go to the beach. And they've got four other kids, why can't they do it?"

"I've already found Olly and I an apartment and I was offered a nursing job there. I haven't used my nursing degree, and I'd be getting a lot more money than what I have now. Bottom line is, we're going no matter what you say."

James was silent, sitting on the bed now as Val went to the dresser to look at the makeup and sparkle spray and colognes on it.

"Why didn't you talk to me before making this decision?" he asked angrily.

"Because you're irrelevant to me, James," Val snapped.

"I'm the father of your child," James said. "You can't just take Olly from home."

"I can."

"This isn't about me, Val. This is about him. He's attached to me, and if he's in Florida it'll destroy him to be so far from me."

"He'll be okay. You can talk on the phone and see him at Christmas. He's a strong kid and he'll make new relationships quick."

"I won't let you," James said, standing. "Not without court telling you that you can."

"You want to go to court?"

"Yeah."

"Really, James?" she challenged, eyes dark on his. "Because I doubt they'll give even partial custody to a stripper with a jail record."

James opened his mouth to argue, but stopped.

She was right.

"I'm thinking about you in this, too, James," she said softly. "I've thought about taking it to court, but I know they won't take kindly to you. And I know Olly loves you to bits…"

"Can't you find a nursing job here?"

"I've been applying everywhere…"

James fell back against the bed, his hands over his face.

"Why do you do this, Val? Why do you hate me?"

"You know why," she said.

"No, I don't, Val. Humor me," James snapped, sitting up. Val ground her teeth, shaking her head.

"Because you're a stripper and you pick our son up all made up like a fairy. Because you almost killed him with shrimp. Because you don't know how to be a dad. Because-"

"Because you weren't important enough when we were together, so now you want me to feel that," James growled, standing up. "That's not fair."

Val was silent, crossing her arms.

"I wouldn't quit stripping. So you had to leave me and rip our son from me. But I stripped for this family. For the money. To support you and Olly."

"What a sacrifice," she retorted. "Do you know what it's like to be with and have a child with a stripper? A _bisexual _stripper?"

"Poor Val."

"I loved you, James. It was hard to know that other women and men touch you all night and you dance for them while I'm home alone with a new baby," she said lowly. "And when you wouldn't quit when I asked you to, that showed me that I didn't mean enough to you."

"You did mean a lot."

"Whatever," she said numbly. "That's the past. I don't care anymore."

"If you didn't care you wouldn't keep Olly from me. And you wouldn't be moving away."

"But I'm not doing this because I hate you. I'm doing it because it's what's best," she demanded. "You're not a top priority in my life anymore, James."

James was silent, sitting down with the realization that he wouldn't- couldn't- win.

"I really am sorry, James. But I can't see any way around it. I mean, unless you wanted to move with us."

"That's far."

"But what's here for you? A few friends and your mom. That's it."

"This is home. And you know I don't do well with big changes and trauma…"

"I know you've had enough shit happen in your life… And I'm sorry to add to that. But I have to think of what's best for me and Olly. We could be back- my parents will probably decide they don't like it there."

James sighed, rubbing his face.

"I just need some time to think about this," he finally said.

* * *

Kendall's phone rang in the middle of dinner that night with his mom and Katie. He laughed a little and stood, taking out his phone.

_Logan_

Kendall rolled his eyes and went out the back door as he answered.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Kendall?"

"Yes, Logan."

"Um…" Kendall sighed, knowing Logan didn't know why he called, he just did. "How are things?"

"I'm kinda busy…"

"With what? Are you writing?"

"No- I was having dinner with Mom and Katie," Kendall said, leaning against the railing of the back porch. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Logan said. "I just miss you."

Kendall's eyes dropped with his heart, but he smiled a little.

"That's sweet, Loge," he said.

"Well if you don't miss me… Things must be going well."

"They are. I'm happy. I found an apartment and I'm moving in next week."

"Oh… Well that's good," Logan answered. "I can hear that old Kenny in there- the one I fell in love with. The happy one."

Kendall was silent, feeling bad that Logan was lonely back in LA. He really did miss him, too, but he's been happier here at home in this week than he has been in months in LA with Logan.

"Logan… I'm sorry that I left. But things are better now," he said softly.

"I wish I could say the same…" Logan answered. "Coming home to an empty apartment, having nobody to write notes for and bring home dinner for… Not having you there to talk to about my day… I took you for granted, Kendall."

"It's alright- are you crying?"

"It's so hard without you," Logan sniffled.

"Just keep your head up. It'll get easier," Kendall said supportively. He never ever thought he would be the one supporting Logan through this breakup.

"Thanks… I just needed to hear your voice I guess," Logan let out a choked laugh. "Sorry to interrupt dinner."

"It's fine. I'll talk to you later, Loge."

"Okay."

Within a few minutes Kendall returned to the dinner table.

"Who was it?" Katie asked boredly, picking at her green beans.

"Logan."

"What did he have to say?"

"Nothing. I guess he just missed me."

"He's playing with you," Mrs. Knight said under her breath.

"Oh, Mom."

"What man acts like a breakup is nothing to him, then calls his ex groveling at his feet?" she asked angrily. "He likes to see you squirm."

"He wasn't _groveling_. He was just checking on me," Kendall insisted.

"Isn't that why you moved?" Katie reminded him.

"Yes, Katie, but he's just lonely," Kendall sighed. "He's not used to having nobody home with him."

"Well that's his problem," Mrs. Knight jumped in. "He shouldn't be dumping that on you."

"What do you want me to do, Mom?" Kendall asked in amazement.

"I don't know," she sighed, shaking her head. "I just wish he would stop making you miserable."

"He doesn't do it on purpose," Kendall insisted softly.

"Yeah, Mom. You know Logan," Katie supported. "He wouldn't hurt Kendall if he could help it."

"Not the message I received," Mrs. Knight grumbled. Kendall and Katie looked at each other and secretly rolled their eyes with smirks. "Don't you dare go running back to him, though, Kenny."

"I won't," Kendall assured.

"You need a new man. A big, manly man. And handsome."

"I'll get right on that, Mom," Kendall smirked.

"I'll keep my eye out for you," Mrs. Knight said slyly.

"Go to a strip club," Katie smirked to her brother.

"Like the love of my life is a stripper," Kendall laughed, rolling his eyes.

* * *

After a very heart wrenching goodbye from Oliver, where Oliver cried and begged his mom not to take him, James showered.

Carlos was sitting on the sink, listening as his friend told him what Val had just told him about moving to Florida.

"She can't do that," Carlos growled as James wrapped towel around his waist and stepped out. Honestly, James wouldn't really mind if Carlos saw him naked. He practically already has- they work together, after all.

"That's what I thought, but we don't have a legal custody agreement," James sighed as Carlos scooted over for James to shave his face. "Technically she can do what she wants with him and I can't stop her."

"But that's not morally or ethically okay," Carlos said loudly over the buzz of James' electric shaver, which would only trim his 5 o'clock shadow without erasing it. After finishing the quick job, James spoke.

"She doesn't give a rat's ass about me, Los," he sighed, using another towel to dry his hair. "She told me so today. And she doesn't like sharing Olly. So this is perfect for her."

"Why are her parents so old?" Carlos asked, confused.

"They've got five kids, and she's the last one," James sighed. "They're all spread out and they had her when they were like in their thirties."

"Damn," Carlos said simply.

"I don't know what to do. I obviously can't move to Florida, but otherwise when will I ever see him again besides maybe holidays?" James said sadly.

"Maybe you should get back together, and you can convince her to stay."

"Right," James laughed. "Like she'd ever take me back. I'm her grimy stripper ex boyfriend with serious physiological issues and a horrible past. Besides- in case you haven't noticed, I prefer men."

"Prefer. Not restricted to."

"It'll never happen. I promise you that."

"Maybe you should kill her," Carlos said simply, then grinned at his friend jokingly.

"Right," James said, rolling his eyes. "Well, all my problems _would _be solved."

"There you go. I'll help."

James giggled and rolled his eyes.

"Not happening."

* * *

**I'm really loving how many people are reading this story so far and thank you so much. :D I'm excited for the next chapter, so I'm gonna go get started on that now. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

"Jaaaay!" Carlos called through the dressing room, hurrying from the stage that Saturday. "Bachelorette party!"

James looked up from the mirror excitedly.

"You know the drill," Carlos said, standing beside him. They dusted glitter on their bare chests before getting into "uniform".

It was one of James' favorite costumes- a James Bond tuxedo that disassembled with Velcro to nothing but a black Speedo and a bowtie.

"Ready?" Carlos asked, in a matching outfit.

"Let's do this."

* * *

Val looked in the rearview mirror at her sleeping son in his car seat. So peaceful, so beautiful. It was midnight and she had been called to work unexpectedly. Now she was taking Oliver to her parents' house. She would have taken him to James's house, but James was working.

It wasn't that she didn't like James. He was a wonderful father if you overlook his absence of knowledge of logistics- don't give him soda, watch out for shellfish, hold his hand at all times. Other than that, he kept Oliver happy at all times- kept him having fun and feeling loved. They were cute together, and though Val wished they could all be a family again, she couldn't take James back if she wanted to. He was more into men now than women, and he viewed Val as the bitch who tore his son from him.

She really did feel bad for having to take Oliver to Florida. She knew more than anyone how much James meant to their son- Oliver talked about him all the time like he was Superman.

Val wanted to let James be a father again. But… How could she? James is a stripper. He has a criminal record. He dropped out of high school. He almost killed their child with shellfish.

Was it even humane for her to let him be a father? Part of her thought it was best for him to be out of Oliver's life. The child was young- he wouldn't have many memories of James. Some little sliver of her feared that if James was let in, he would only hurt Oliver. Once he was older and Oliver knew what his father's profession was, about his father's history and past, would that be healthy for him to know?

All Val wanted was to be a good mother, and do what was best for her baby.

And she honestly thought she was.

"Mommy?" the voice snapped her out of her trance and she looked in the mirror at Oliver, looking at her eyes in the mirror sleepily.

"Yes, baby?"

"I leaved my toys at home."

"It's okay- you'll just go straight to bed when we get to Grandma and Grandpa's," she said reassuringly. "Then I'll be back before you wake up to take you home. You won't be playing anyway."

"Okay," he yawned.

She watched him in the mirror as his eyes drooped closed again. When her eyes flashed back to the road, there was a car in the middle of it, sending her into panic-mode.

She gasped and hit the brakes, swerving for the drunk driver, avoiding a head-on collision with that car, but effectively slamming head-first into a tree.

Her face hit the airbag, blood spurting from her nose immediately. After a second, she pushed herself away from the deflating airbag, taking in the sight of the front of her car wrapped around the tree, the metal and glass bent sharply to trap her in her seat.

"O-Olly?" she asked, but she could barely hear her voice, her ears seemingly filled with cotton and the sound of a quick, almost vibrating heartbeat. "Olly?"

She faintly heard a shrill scream and her baby crying, in a panic.

"Mommy, I'm hurt!" he sobbed.

Val's vision was tunneled as she turned, the tree basically right beside her. Her breaths were getting shallow and her heart hummed in her ears, but she had to make sure her baby was okay.

Oliver was tugging at the straps of his car seat, his cheeks tear-stricken and his hazel eyes filled with panic as he saw his bloody mother.

He let out another shrill scream as he reached for her, unable to unlatch himself. Her grasped his mother's fingers, not knowing that she was unable to hold his back. She held his eyes, looking into them, somehow knowing that this was the last she would see them.

"_OnStar, Ms. Collins, is everything alright?_"

Val opened her mouth to say that there was an accident to the built-in help speaker in her car, but found that only gasps of breath would come out.

The woman on the other end heard Oliver's shrill sobbing.

"_Help is on the way- hold on_," the woman said.

Oliver was sobbing now, screaming, not knowing what to do. All Val wanted to do was climb over the demolished car and hold him and tell him it was okay.

She realized that her eyes were closing on their own. Before she could try to say anything, the side of her head hit the headrest and Oliver squeezed her fingers tighter as her body fell limp.

* * *

It was about 3 AM and James had just gotten off stage in only his sparkly silver Speedo. It was a great show and one of the other male strippers patted his back on his way onstage.

"Jay, you missed a call!" Carlos called from the dressing room.

"Thanks!"

James sat on the couch and looked at his phone- a missed call from Val's mom. And another. And one more from her sister, plus a voicemail.

He listened to the only voicemail left from her sister.

_"James, it's Melanie. Val and Oliver were in an accident a few hours ago. It's… It's not good. I don't want to tell you over the phone, so come ASAP- Olly's asking for you."_

James's heart stopped, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.

"Who was-" Carlos began, then stopped in his tracks.

"Val and Olly were in an accident," James said, standing. "I have to go."

"Are they okay?" Carlos asked quickly as James went to get his clothes.

"I don't know. Val's sister says Olly's asking for me, so I guess he's at least alive… She said it's bad. But she wouldn't tell me why," James said, pulling his pants up and buttoning them over the shiny Speedo.

The natural father side of him ran through scenarios. Maybe Oliver was paralyzed. Maybe he had to go through surgery. Maybe he had memory loss and only remembered his father. Maybe he was in a body cast.

Carlos was silent, watching his friend put his shirt on.

"I'll tell the boss," Carlos said reassuringly. "Just go."

"Thanks, Los. I'll keep you updated."

* * *

After being directed to the right place, James came up to a hallway full of Val's family. All crying on each other's shoulders.

He pushed past them to find someone who knew what was going on.

"James!" He turned to the person who called to him and found Melanie, looking tearful and tired.

"What the hell is going on?" he demanded.

Melanie sniffled and pulled James aside.

"She was called into work and was taking Olly to my parents' house. The car is wrapped around a tree," she said. "Nobody knows what happened exactly. Olly was hysterical- he kept asking for you."

"Well how are they?"

"Olly's fine. Really shook up and scared, has a few bruises from his seat straps, but fine. Sleeping now," she said, then got tearful. "Val…"

She looked up at James and turned away, sniffling.

"It's hard for me to say," she said over her shoulder. "Val… She um… She didn't make it out of the car."

Immediately James was hyperventilating. His eyes were filled with tears as he leaned against the wall.

"She hit the tree with such impact. Olly says she was awake for a few minutes and tried to help him, but then she 'fell asleep'. You can translate that," Melanie said tearfully. "I can't imagine how traumatized he is."

Tears slipped from James' eyes as he slid down to the floor, suddenly sobbing.

How could this happen?

He always saw it on TV, but never thought it would happen to anyone he cared about. And despite his never-ending war with Val, he never wanted her to die. She meant the world to Oliver, and once meant everything to James himself. She was important in James' life, and now she was gone in an instant.

Val may have been a minor part in his life a few hours ago, but now that she was gone his life was going to change drastically.

He needed to get himself together and find his son.

But he couldn't.

* * *

James had finally composed himself twenty minutes later, enough to enter his son's room and find him asleep in the hospital bed, a little hoodie on.

"Olly?" James whispered, sitting on the bed and stroking his son's hair. Oliver's hazel eyes fluttered open and he smiled, sitting up and accepting his father's hug. "Hey, buddy. Rough night, huh?"

He knew Oliver didn't know about his mom, and it was James' job to tell him. Just not here- not now.

"Yeah. I was in a crash," Oliver nodded. "Mommy was bloody."

James' breath caught and he nodded.

"I know. We have a lot to talk about tomorrow," James said softly. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yeah," Oliver yawned. "Where's Mommy?"

"She's staying here," James said quickly. "You're coming to my house."

"Oh. I have owies," the boy said, lifting his shirt to show an "X" of purple bruises where his straps forced into him from the impact.

"That looks like it hurts," James said sympathetically.

"A little, but I'm tough."

"Let's go get some sleep," James smiled a little. "It's been a long night for you."

* * *

James found that he couldn't sleep, though he was exhausted.

He didn't have a bed for Oliver, so Oliver slept cuddled up against his father's strong chest in his big bed.

James was just trying to figure out how to tell Oliver that his mother was dead in a way he would understand. How would his son react? What would be the living arrangements? Surely James would get custody versus Val's parents?

He had texted Carlos what happened, and though Carlos was probably working the floor at the moment he would soon read it and probably call James.

While he loved having Oliver for the night, here sleeping in his bed, he didn't want it under these circumstances. Sure, he didn't like Val, but he never really wanted her dead.

* * *

Oliver woke up sore, his whole body in pain. He found that he was in a foreign bed, and rolled over to find his daddy cuddled up to his back, sleeping.

He looked at his father's face and smiled a little. He hoped when he was big, he would be just like Daddy.

His face was big and handsome with prickles around his mouth. His eyeliner was smeared and streamed down his cheeks- he must have cried… But that's not right. Daddy doesn't cry…

His pretty hazel eyes snapped open and his pink lips curled into a little smile.

"Morning, buddy," he said gruffly, having finally fallen asleep an hour ago, and stayed in a half-awake-half-asleep state the whole time.

"Hi," Oliver said sweetly.

"How are you feeling?" James asked, sitting up as Oliver followed suit.

"I haved a bad dream that Mommy and I were in a crash."

"Olly…" James said softly, pulling his son in close beneath his arm. "It wasn't a dream. You really were in an accident. We have a lot to talk about."

"How come I'm here?"

"Because… Because…"

Oliver looked up at his father, waiting for an answer.

"How about I make you some breakfast and we go to the park?" James suggested. "I have something to tell you."

* * *

By the time they arrived at the park, Oliver had noticed something was wrong with his father. Daddy was always cheerful and smiling and happy to be in Oliver's presence. But now… Something was wrong.

Then Daddy started to cry and Oliver knew something was wrong. They hadn't even reached the playground before Oliver stopped walking, tugging his father back and looking up at him.

"Why are you crying?" he asked curiously. He had never seen it before, and it scared him.

"Let's go find somewhere to sit," James said, picking Oliver up. "We need to talk."

James tried to get himself together, feeling his son staring at his tears. He knew he was a role-model for Oliver- his Superman- and to see him cry was a surprise.

He found a secluded picnic table and sat Oliver on the table top, then sat beside him.

Then he realized he had no idea what to say. How does someone tell a child that his mother is dead?

"Olly…" James said slowly, smoothing down his son's hair. "This is about Mommy."

"Okay. Did you fight?"

"What?"

"Mommy cries when you fight on the phone," Oliver said. "Is that why you cried?"

James' stomach dropped. He had no idea Val cried when they fought. He figured she enjoyed yelling at him and hearing him yell back… The fact that she cried told him that she still cared about him enough to hurt when they fought. Maybe even still loved him. He never knew it, and now she was gone.

"No," James said softly. Oliver looked up at his father, waiting. "Um… Olly… Tell me what happened last night in the car."

"Oh," Oliver said, looking out at the trees thoughtfully. "I was sleeping, then there was a loud sound and my car seat straps hurt me, and I waked up and I didn't know what happened, so I yelled for Mommy because I was hurt. Then Mommy turned around and haved blood on her face and I started to cry because she looked hurt. Then she holded my hand and she falled asleep. Oh, and the car talked and said that there was someone coming to help. Then Mommy was still sleeping and there was lights and loud noises and these big guys came and cut my car seat and carried me into a big white van. And I seed Mommy on a bed and people were doing this to her-" Oliver rubbed his hands together furiously before laying his palms on his chest and jolting as if being electrocuted. "And I was crying and then the big guys telled me not to watch and they feeled my head and arms and legs then I rided in the white van real fast to the hospital."

Tears welled up in James' eyes, imagining his son being surrounded by EMT's, watching his mother being shocked with the AED paddles and not coming back to life. The poor child would be traumatized regardless, but especially if he had understood what had happened.

"Why are you crying?" Oliver asked again.

"Olly… When Mommy fell asleep in the car," James began slowly, thinking out how to explain this. "Her heart stopped beating. And the ambulance people had to try to shock it to make it beat again, but it didn't work."

"Is that why she sleeped at the hospital?"

"Oliver… Baby… Look at me," James said softly, but realized that Oliver had been staring intently at his father the whole time- it was James that was avoiding eye-contact. "Mommy loved you very much. You know that. But she left."

"Where did she go?" Oliver asked in a panic.

"She had to go to heaven. God needed her."

"But… I need her more," Oliver said, breaking James' heart.

"I know. But the car accident hurt her really bad, and if she stayed here with us she would still hurt a lot. But in heaven she isn't hurt."

Oliver's eyes welled up with tears and his little hands came up to brush at them. James' big arm wrapped around his son and pulled him close, kissing his head.

"She's an angel now, baby," James said softly. "She'll still watch you and protect you from heaven."

"But… Why didn't she say bye?"

"She didn't have time to. But you know she loved you- she told you that every day," James said, hating to see Oliver cry but was surprised that he didn't cry himself.

"When will she be back?"

And that's what did it. That's what ripped James' heart out and jerked tears to his eyes.

"She won't," he said weakly. "She won't be back."

Oliver's tearful hazel eyes turned to his father's matching ones in a panic.

"No!" he said.

"I'm sorry, Olly. I wish she didn't leave, too," James said. "But if she had a choice, she would stay here with us. But instead she had to go, and she left you here with me, and I'm gonna take care of you."

Oliver stared at his father, a fat tear rolling down his cheek. James sighed and pulled him into his lap, hugging him tight.

His life was about to get difficult, and he didn't know what he was going to do about it. He would need to find somewhere for Oliver to stay at night while he worked. Could he even keep stripping? He was a full-time father now, and though it would pay the bills easily, a stripper wasn't the ideal father-figure, and he would be gone nights. What about Val's old house, which was once his? Would it go to him and Oliver? Did Val have a will? What if her parents tried for custody of Oliver and won? That would destroy James.

"She loved you very much, Olly," James said softly, rubbing his son's arm lightly. "And I do, too."


	5. Chapter 5

**Haha, I really love your reviews, everyone! :D I really appreciate them. A lot of you are really into this story, like taking guesses at what's next (a lot of them are strangely accurate) and getting feisty about Val. Bet you feel real bad for that now, cause she's DEAD! No? I don't feel bad, either. :D I'm glad you're enjoying my story, I mean, I didn't expect this much success, and I hope you keep reading and entertaining me with your comments. :)**

**Oh, and I'm sorry all my updates are so late! I use this excuse a lot, but I have band and school now, which is all stressful in itself. And when I have time to write, I just draw a blank. I know where I want to go in these chapters, but no idea how to get there, you know? ANYWAY, I'm really trying to be quick, I swear! :D**

* * *

Before turning on the lights that Wednesday morning, James stared at his son's sleeping face through the grey glow of the morning.

He was such a little angel, with his smooth and beautiful face and dreaming eyes flashing beneath his lids. After going to Val's funeral the previous morning, Oliver was finally realizing the concept of losing her. Of putting her body into the ground, never to be touched again. He was finally getting that she was gone for good, and that destroyed him.

James perched softly on the edge of the bed, watching his son. It was ten o'clock, and he knew that neither of them got much sleep that night. James because of the funeral, his and Oliver's futures, and sleeping on the couch at Val's old home, where they were staying.

He reached out and brushed Oliver's dark hair back softly.

"Olly?" he murmured, rubbing his son's shoulder. "Time to get up."

Oliver's eyes fluttered open and he looked at his father silently.

"I'm too sleepy," he finally said softly. James looked down at his baby and realized that he didn't have the heart to tell Oliver "no" right now. Normally James would cheerfully pick his son up or tickle him or offer to take him to IHOP, but he couldn't now.

"Okay," James said. "Go back to sleep. Sweet dreams."

He watched Oliver roll over and he tucked the blankets around him before getting up.

He couldn't stand being in this house alone. He bought it with Val before Oliver was born- it was small, but big enough for a family of three. Obviously everything in it belonged to Val or Oliver, and though Val didn't mean much to James, seeing her clothes in the bedroom, left without Val even considering she would never be back, broke his heart. Her death was going to change his life entirely. Even though he wanted to be a full-time father, he didn't want it like this. He didn't want it to cost Val her life. He would never want that.

He found himself lying beside Oliver in the bed, numb. Oliver's half-asleep form turned and cuddled into his father, and there was a mutual understanding between them. They would need one another now more than ever.

* * *

Kendall sat on Katie's bed, chewing the end of his pen as he thought.

"I've barely had any jobs," he said thoughtfully, looking over the résumé on his lap. "I shoveled snow in high school… Does that count?"

"No," Katie smirked. "You worked at Sonic in college, right?"

"Oh yeah!" Kendall said, jotting that down under his job history. He was applying to all the newspaper companies in the area. He had only really worked at Sonic, because after college he was an author and got plenty of money from that.

He was sure he could live off of that money for a long time, but found that being home alone all day got boring. He needed something to do.

The doorbell rang through the house and Katie hurried down the stairs, which led straight to the front door. Kendall continued with his work.

He lay back against the bed, listening as his baby sister opened the door.

"Hey, Oliver!" she said happily. Oliver entered the house, in a sweater, hat, and scarf, followed by a tall man who Katie had never seen before.

"I guess we're in the right place, then," the man laughed a little as Katie closed the door behind him. "I'm James. Olly's dad."

"James. Of course. Val's told me… So much," Katie laughed nervously.

"Oh jeez. I'm not as bad as she says," James said, flashing a charming smile. "Listen… I need to talk to you in private."

"Oh… Okay. Let's go in the kitchen," Katie said, then turned to Oliver. "Go upstairs into my room, okay? You can play with my brother."

Oliver obeyed, having a little trouble with the wooden stairs, as Katie led James into the kitchen.

"I know this is weird… We've never met before," James said, leaning on the counter. "But… Val… she… Val passed."

"What?" Katie hissed.

"There was a car accident and she didn't make it out. Olly was there with her. The funeral was yesterday, and he's just now understanding. It's… It's hard on us, and Olly isn't himself, obviously."

Katie was silent for a while, stunned because Val was actually a friend of hers.

"I'm just gonna lay this out there," James said. "I'm a stripper. I'm sure Val told you that. But I'm not a bad dad, like she says."

Katie was silent, only able to imagine this man working the pole in little to no clothes.

"I work nights, so Olly will be staying with my mom and Val's parents at night. Right now I have no clue what to do with our lives, and I'd appreciate if you gave me a week or so to get things sorted out before you discontinue with me. Olly really likes you, and I might need you soon."

"Of course. Take as long as you need," Katie said soothingly. "I'm sorry about Val."

"Me, too," James said absently. Things were silent a moment before he shifted. "I'll be back at about 5 to get him. I'll feed him dinner- don't worry about it."

* * *

"Hi," came a childlike voice, and Kendall's head snapped up to see a familiar little boy enter Katie's room. "I know you!"

"Hey, kid. Oliver, right?" Kendall said, confused as to why he was there.

"Yeah!"

"What're you doing here? This is my house."

"Miss Katie is my watcher."

Kendall was puzzled as the child climbed up on the bed.

"What are you doing?" Oliver egged.

"Just… Filling out papers."

"Oh," Oliver said simply. "Can you help me take off my outside clothes?"

"Sure."

Oliver pulled off his hat and gave it to Kendall, then Kendall helped with his scarf and jacket. Unsure what to do with the things, Kendall set them aside.

"Wanna play?" Oliver asked.

"Sure."

"Let's plaaay… Hide and seek. Okay?"

"Okay."

"You hide. I'll count to… To ten."

"You can count?"

"Yeah!"

Kendall giggled and put his application aside, getting up as the child hid his eyes and started to count slowly.

Kendall quietly went into the bathroom next door, standing flat against the wall beside the door.

As he waited, he started to think about how much he liked kids. It wasn't long ago that Kendall had been begging Logan to even consider adoption, but Logan insisted the adoption agency wouldn't consider them unless they were married, and he didn't have time for that. Now Kendall saw that really Logan didn't want a family with Kendall.

But he still wanted a family. He loved kids, and if he could find a new man to love, who would actually love him back this time, maybe he would have another chance at a family.

Kendall gave himself a sad little smile at the thought. A few weeks ago he would have wanted that with Logan- no question. But now he doesn't want anything with Logan, and that was a bittersweet feeling. He was getting over Logan, which was good, but at the same time he was entering a new chapter of his life, and that was scary.

Suddenly the light clicked on and Kendall expected to see Oliver, but it was a man there, staring at him with a little smirk on his lips. He was familiar- Oliver's hot dad. What was his name? Jason? Jackson? James?

"I know you," the said, just as his son had when he saw Kendall.

"Uh… Yeah," Kendall laughed a little, stepping out from his hiding spot.

"Were you waiting on me to come in and take a leak?" the man teased, and Kendall had to laugh a little.

"We were playing hide and seek," Kendall explained. "You're James… Right?"

Gosh, he hoped he picked the right name.

"Uh-huh," James smirked. "How do I always seem to run into you? Kendall, right?"

"Yeah. Well… This is my house," Kendall laughed a little.

"BOO!" Oliver jumped in front of his father mischievously. "I finded you!"

"You _found _me," Kendall corrected.

"I gave up on correcting him," James giggled.

"Well I happen to be an English major," Kendall said smartly. He was pleased to see James bite his lip a little at that, like he found it sexy or something. Wait… There was no way this hot hunk of a man was flirting with him… He had a child! He was probably married! To a woman!

"An English major living with his mother," James teased, smoothing down Oliver's hair.

"It's temporary."

"Okay, I'll let you get back to your game," James winked, squatting down. He kissed Oliver goodbye and hugged him, his heart breaking as Oliver started to cry.

Maybe it was too soon to leave Oliver with the sitter… It had only been a few days since Val passed, and Oliver was really co-dependent on James now.

"I'll be back in a few hours. Keep playing, okay?" James said, pulling away and kissing his son's forehead. "I love you."

"Love you," Oliver said softly, wiping his eyes with the backs of his hands.

"C'mon, buddy. It's your turn to hide," Kendall said, taking Oliver's hand. James stood, giving Kendall a thankful look, Kendall smiling a little and waving as he pulled the child into his own bedroom, followed by Katie.

* * *

James found that he got all of his business done an hour early, and was eager to pick Oliver up.

It wasn't a fun day- it consisted of meeting with a lawyer and Val's family and reading Val's will.

A lot of her things were to go to Oliver when he got older, and the rest was dispersed through her family.

But there was one vital thing left for James.

_"__I would like custody of Oliver to go to his father- my fiance, James Diamond."_

All eyes went to James, but he was preoccupied with happiness. He knew that maybe if Val had time to edit her will before she left, James would be left with nothing. He noticed the document read "my fiancé, James Diamond", which meant that it was written when they were still engaged and Val still loved him. There was no doubt in Val's mind that she wanted Oliver left with James at the time.

That meant that James got Oliver and the house, since James bought the house and it was in his name. Things could have turned out worse- Val could have given custody to her parents and left him with nothing.

When James rung the doorbell to the Knight house, Kendall answered.

"We meet again," Kendall smirked, leaning on the door. "Katie took Oliver to the park… They're not here."

"I'm early," James said apologetically.

"You can walk down to the park- I'm sure he'd love you to be there," Kendall offered. "He talked about you so much- he loves you to death."

James glowered at that, his heart melting.

"You just go down the street, turn left, then right, right, left, then-" Kendall paused as James gave him a blank stare.

"I'm not good with directions," James laughed a little.

"I can show you."

"Uh-"

But Kendall was already putting on his jacket and leading James outside.

* * *

"You know, we could have just driven," James pointed out, gesturing back down the sidewalk to his white Charger.

"As much as I'd love to take a ride in that hot rod," Kendall beamed apologetically. "Isn't it a pretty day? Not too cold, the leaves are falling… What more could two men walking to the park ask for?"

James had to giggle a little- this blonde man seemed like a piece of work. He seemed comfortable around strangers, and somehow he made strangers comfortable around him.

"I guess you're right," James gave in.

"I just moved back from California, so fall is just amazing here compared to there," Kendall said. "There's no yellow and orange leaves on the ground in Cali. And it's definitely not this cool outside."

"Oh," James nodded.

"I guess you're wondering why I lived there."

James's hazel eyes turned to Kendall, waiting.

"My boyfriend is a doctor there, but before we moved we both lived here," Kendall said, a little afraid of how James would react. He never knew where people stood with sexuality. "But some shit went down and we're broken up. I hated it in Cali, and I was depressed. So I came back home."

"I'm sorry," James said.

"Well I'm sorta over it now. I'm happier here, you know?"

"Good."

"You don't talk much, do you?"

"It's not that… I'm just not used to such casual conversation," James laughed a little. "Usually when people talk to me, it's to yell at me. Or Olly, always asking my questions and stuff. Really the only person who just talks to me is my friend, Carlos."

"That's horrible," Kendall said. "You should really get more friends."

"I agree… It's just sort of a hard time to be thinking about friends."

"Oh yeah… I heard about your wife," Kendall said apologetically. "I'm really sorry. Oliver mentioned her a few times and he seemed just… Heartbroken."

"She wasn't my wife. We weren't on good terms when she died."

"Oh… Well… I'm sorry. Wanna talk about it?"

"There's not much to talk about. I loved her, but she broke off the engagement because I wouldn't quit my job… Can't say I blame her. I didn't get to see Olly much after that, and it made me hate her."

"That's really rough. What happened to her?"

James felt his throat threaten to close up, his emotions turning from chipper to depressed. He didn't like to talk about what happened… He felt that he never would. Of course, nobody likes to tell someone about the night that would change their whole life.

"She and Olly were in a bad car wreck a few nights back… I was at work when I was called… Olly's fine, but Val didn't make it."

Kendall was silent, stuffing his hands deeper into his pockets. James wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck, not wanting to get emotional in front of this virtual stranger.

"Are you okay?" Kendall asked. James' hazel eyes turned to Kendall. It was the first time anyone asked him that.

"No," James said.

"I've never gone through anything like that… I wish I could say something soothing."

"It's okay. I wouldn't know what to say, either."

"What do you want to hear?"

After a moment's hesitation, James spoke.

"I wanna hear that everything will be okay," he finally answered.

"It will be," Kendall said simply. "I know it will. It hurts now, but things'll get better. Just keep your head up."

James smiled a little, comforted.

"Thanks," he said. "I just wish there was a way I could talk to her one last time. I think what's the worst is that we never got to be on good terms again. She was gonna take Olly to live in Florida without me. If I could talk to her again, I'd tell her that I'm sorry for everything, and that I'll take care of Olly as best I can."

"What do you do?" he asked, changing the subject because he could sense that the subject was affecting James.

James giggled a little, blushing.

"What?" Kendall asked in amusement, looking over to his companion.

"I'll just come out and say it… I'm a stripper," James said. "Go ahead- laugh. It's funny."

"Why would I laugh?" Kendall asked. "You're probably making more cash than anyone in this town."

"Yeah," James shrugged proudly. "It pays good."

"Pays _well_." Kendall corrected.

"Okay, then," James said with a sarcastic roll of his eyes. "So what's the English major for, then, Smartypants?"

"That's _Mr. _Smartypants to you," Kendall said in mock anger. "And I'll have you know I've written four best-selling books."

"What? Really?"

"Yup. Murder mysteries."

"Well then I think you got me beat on income," James laughed. "I imagine best-selling books gets someone some big bucks, right?"

"I wasn't gonna say anything," Kendall said in surrender. The two giggled a little before silence took over.

James looked ahead, surprised to see the park there ahead with his son on the swing being pushed by his babysitter, Kendall's sister.

"Look, man… I don't have many friends, either," Kendall said. "If you ever wanna hang out or need someone to talk to, hit me up. I've always wanted a stripper friend."

James laughed a little, looking over to see that Kendall was pulling something from his wallet- a business card. Kendall gave it to him, and James inspected it.

"Kendall Knight," James read aloud. "Why do you have this?"

"My ex had them made for me- more professional for editors and stuff," Kendall explained. James nodded understandingly.

"I don't have a fancy business card," he said. "But I'll text you."

Kendall grinned at James, James smirking a little back before pocketing the card. It had been so long since he had such friendly conversation, and Kendall was definitely friendly- maybe even flirty. James knew that Kendall had no idea that James, too, was into men, and maybe even Kendall himself.

"Daddy!"

That shout was recognizable to James more than anything- his child's voice. Oliver ran up to the men and James caught him in a hug.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Diamond… I lost track of time…"

"I'm early," James assured. "It's fine."

"Guess what, Katie," Kendall said proudly. "I made a friend."

"A friend?" Katie teased in astonishment. Really, she was sort of surprised. Since he met Logan, he hadn't really talked to anyone else, which meant no friends. He was fully devoted to Logan, which annoyed her and their mother, but they would never try to bring Kendall out of his happiness. "Unheard of."

"Is it me?" Oliver asked excitedly. "Am I your friend?"

"Actually, I was talking about your dad… But I guess you count, too," Kendall said, ruffling the child's hair. "Two friends in one day."


	6. Chapter 6

Kendall watched the cursor blink on the blank word document on his computer. He scratched at his stubbly chin, eyes scanning the white screen as if it would magically hold something to write about.

He was given a minor column in the Minneapolis Daily about the high school hockey season, which paid a little bit but was mainly an audition for the real job.

The problem was, he was used to writing fiction. He had no idea where to even start writing about hockey, even though he knew everything there was to know about it.

His phone buzzed and he answered it, not knowing the number but eager for a distraction.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Hello? Is this Kendall?" came a familiar voice, seeming unsure.

"Maybe. Who's this?"

"This is James. Who's this?"

"What's the password?"

"So it is you," James laughed on the other end.

Kendall smiled a little. It had been a few days since they last talked, but Kendall forgot all about giving him his phone number. James seemed to bring out Kendall's old self, before his breakup with Logan. The way he used to be, with his joking and constant dimply smile. It felt good.

* * *

"Yeah, it's me," Kendall said on the other end, James laughing a little as he stirred the chicken noodle soup for his and Oliver's lunch. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm not some jerk who says he'll call someone and doesn't," James said.

"Honestly I completely forgot," Kendall laughed a little. "I guess you're busy, though. So it's cool. I've been busy myself."

"With what?" James teased.

"I got a job," Kendall said proudly. "I'm writing for Minneapolis Daily."

"Why not a book?"

"Writing books is overrated."

"Mmm-hmm," James laughed. "What are you writing about?"

"I'm supposed to write about high school hockey… But I'm stumped. Know what I've written so far?"

"What?"

"Jack-shit, that's what."

"You just need inspiration," James said.

"Inspiration… Good idea."

"Maybe go play some hockey."

"Wanna come with me?" Kendall asked. "I bet you played, didn't you?"

"Oh yeah," James said. "Hockey, football, and baseball, of course. But unlike some people I have responsibilities to think about before I just go play hockey."

"Like?"

"Like a little boy, about 3 feet tall, spitting image of me?"

"Oh yeah… That," Kendall teased. "Bring him, too. You can teach him to skate and play."

"Sounds dangerous."

"Oh please. He's a little boy. He'll love it."

James paused in thought, the sound of Oliver running through the house playing "superhero" echoing through the house. Well, the little boy did seem to have a little too much energy lately, since he doesn't go to Katie's house during the day anymore…

"Okay," he said. "When?"

* * *

Kendall as surprised to find that the skating rink was virtually empty, save a few couples holding hands and some kids. He tossed his bag of old hockey gear against the bench and seat foot on ice, immediately losing his balance but catching himself. Okay, so he as a little rusty at skating. At least he got there before James and Oliver so he would have time to get reacquainted with the ice.

It was only about 10 minutes before James stepped gracefully onto the ice, gliding like a professional with such smoothness that Kendall would have thought he did this every day. He was looking gorgeous in his usual tweed coat and scarf, long legs in dark jeans and hair made up flawlessly.

He grinned and waved at Kendall, who was coming toward them.

"Where's Oliver?" Kendall asked.

"He's scared," James said, gesturing to the entrance to the ice, where Oliver stood unsteady on his skates, clinging to the wall and staring at the ice in fear.

"I'm _not _ascared, Daddy," he scolded, hazel eyes raising to his father.

"Then come on!" Kendall coaxed teasingly.

"Kendall! He'll fall," James said lowly.

"He needs to experience it if he's ever gonna learn. Trust me," Kendall said smoothly.

"I'm not gonna stand here and watch my kid break his ass on the ice," James insisted.

"Just trust me."

James, of course, was a careful father. He was blessed with only one child, and that child was perfect in his eyes. He would never do anything to purposefully hurt his little Olly, but Kendall seemed to know what he was talking about.

Oliver hung onto the wall of the rink as he stepped out, one skate slipping from under him, but he caught himself with the support of the wall.

"Smart kid," Kendall complimented James.

"Doesn't get it from me," James smirked. Of course he always thought that Oliver got his cleverness from Val. He never thought himself clever, or even keen at all.

"I'm sure you're more than you lead on to be," Kendall said, skating over to Oliver to take his hand.

"You have no idea," James grumbled, going to take Oliver's other hand.

"So tell me," Kendall said, Oliver struggling to keep up as the two men idly slid across the ice.

"It's not something I can just… Say," James smirked a little, feeling shy and on edge, regretting ever leading on that he had a secret. Well, not one secret. His closet was chock-full of skeletons.

"Oh… It's okay," Kendall said quickly. "I get it."

James looked over to Kendall, whose green eyes were down on Oliver. He was very understanding and didn't really pry, and James appreciated that. Maybe someday James can tell Kendall all about his past- his childhood, why he went to prison, how Oliver came to be, etc…

"I'm not trying to be a dick," James said apologetically.

"It's okay," Kendall laughed a little. "You're just… More conserved than I am. Not everyone's an open book like me."

* * *

James spent a lot of his childhood up to about sophomore year of high school playing hockey. It was great to get back on the ice and play a friendly, yet a little rough, game with Kendall. Oliver wasn't a big fan of skating, it turned out, but he liked to sit on the ice and cheer. He couldn't make up his mind on which side he wanted to win- Daddy or Kendall? So he cheered for both.

"Yay!" Oliver cheered as the game came to a close with an intense goal from Kendall. "Go Kendall!"

"Olly!" James giggled, picking up the child and hugging him tight. "I helped make you, and you still don't cheer for me?"

"But you losed!" Oliver giggled, voice strained with his father's arms constricting around him.

It wasn't long before the echoed sounds of skating people and the rhythmic sway of his father's skating lulled Oliver to sleep. James easily held the child as he and Kendall skated around the rink, not at all phased by the dead weight.

"He's asleep," Kendall said quizzically. "Kids fall asleep in the weirdest places."

James giggled and kissed Oliver's cheek.

"Once he fell asleep on the floor of the doctor's office," he smirked. "He just tuckers himself out so fast."

"Does it ever get tiring?" Kendall asked, hands in his coat pockets. "Being a dad?"

"Well I used to only get to see him sometimes, and we would have so much fun we would both fall asleep on the couch before it was even dinner time. But now that I'm a full-time dad, I'm just… exhausted."

"It's shitty that you were just thrown into it like that," Kendall said apologetically.

"But I'm so glad. I mean, I'm still torn up about Val dying. I'm not glad about that. But I'm happy that I get to be a real father now, and get to see him every day," James admitted. "This is the best job in the world. What about you and your ex? Did you ever talk about having kids?"

"We're still young, and he's a busy doctor… I wanted them, but he had this whole thing about first his job gets stable, then we get engaged and married, get a house instead of an apartment, then maybe we can _talk_ about kids," Kendall said, rolling his eyes.

"He seems… Interesting," James said slowly.

"What's that mean?"

"Just… Not someone I would be happy with."

"Now that I think about it, I don't know how I ever was."

Kendall smiled to himself, watching the two. He hadn't known until he met James and Oliver than he was really turned on by a cute father. And James and Oliver were definitely cute together. Oliver's perfect pink lips smacked sleepily, his dimpled fingers curling into James's scarf in his sleep, and James didn't even notice.

"Are you guys hungry?" Kendall asked.

"Um… I should get him home…" James said, suddenly stiff. "I don't think he'll like to wake up somewhere new."

"My mom makes a mean grilled cheese," Kendall sang.

James looked over into Kendall's persuasive green eyes, sighing. If he went somewhere with Kendall alone, with Oliver sleeping, that would mean that he and Kendall were becoming real friends, and Kendall wasn't just friendly with Oliver.

"Okay," he gave in. "Did you get inspiration for your article?"

"My what?" Kendall asked, then his face changed in realization and he grinned. "Oh, yeah. I think I know what to write now."

* * *

Oliver was still sleeping when the two arrived at Kendall's house. James carried him inside and Kendall offered up his bed for the child to sleep in, which James was grateful to take.

"He was up all night last night, Mom says," James said softly as the two men exited the bedroom, closing the door slightly. "Crying."

"What?" Kendall asked, concern on his face.

"He's just stressed out," James said quickly. Kendall stopped his friend at the beginning of the stairs, looking at him seriously.

"I'm your friend, James. You can tell me anything you need to," Kendall promised. "I'm not gonna tell anyone. This isn't high school."

James's eyes flickered to Kendall's shirt, then to the wall behind him.

"What?" Kendall demanded gently. "What's wrong with you? Why are you afraid to tell me stuff?"

James turned accusing eyes to Kendall, wondering why he was suddenly so hostile, but found that Kendall's face was more concerned than attacking.

"I just… I've got a lot going on," James said bluntly. "In general."

Kendall didn't look satisfied, but a little sympathetic.

"A lot has happened to me," James said, slipping away from Kendall to put one foot on the top stair. "Stick around… Maybe you'll hear all about it eventually."

Kendall stared at James, drinking in his beauty. To him, it seemed that all the pretty ones come with baggage. What could have possibly happened to him to make him afraid of making friends?

"He was crying because his mom's dead and his dad wasn't there to calm him down," James said softly. "Sometimes he does that."

Kendall was silent, eyes dropping guiltily. Obviously that wasn't something that James wanted to share. Obviously he wanted to keep the matter private, but Kendall just kept pushing.

"I'm sorry," Kendall mumbled.

"You're right, though… I should learn to let people help," James said apologetically. "I could use it."

Kendall smiled a little up to James before leading him downstairs to eat.

* * *

"So James," Mrs. Knight said from across the table, watching James eat beside her son. "How have things been going? Since Valerie…"

"Fine," James said. "I'm making it."

"If you ever need any help, we'll be happy to watch Oliver," she said. "Free of charge. He's darling."

James looked up at Mrs. Knight, touched. The whole Knight family was so willing to give him anything he needed, and it made him feel a little bit less alone.

"Thank you," he said sincerely. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Are you still… Working nights?" she asked.

"Yeah," James nodded, averting his eyes. His profession, though it made him lots of money to support Oliver with, wasn't something he was particularly proud of.

He was sort of stuck. Oliver was getting close to the age of going to preschool, and the last thing he wanted was for him to go to school and say that his daddy takes off his clothes for money. He didn't want anyone to know about it, really. He enjoyed the job and the money it offered, but he wasn't proud of how he got it. He knew he needed to find a day job soon, and maybe even quit stripping all together. He loved having days to spend with Oliver, but he hated that he could only have an early dinner with his son before dropping him off somewhere for the night. He hated that he couldn't be there to comfort Oliver when he had a bad dream or when he was bothered by missing his mother. He hated that he wasn't there for Oliver to climb into bed with if he needed to.

Once Oliver started school, would James keep stripping? Then Oliver would be gone during the day and James would be gone overnight, and they would never get to spend time together…

He knew he needed to quit stripping, but it provided him with more than enough money, which he liked. He enjoyed being onstage and letting himself go- he loved being desired.

All he knew at the moment was that he loved having days to spend with Oliver, and even a few nights when he didn't have to work. He just hated that Oliver only got to sleep in his own bed a few nights a week and he was always at someone else's house- his mom's or Val's parents'.

"Are you sticking with it?" she asked.

"Well… I don't know," James said.

"I think you should," Kendall said. "You've got that sweet ass car- excuse my language, Mom- and I'm sure your house is awesome. You're obviously stable financially. And you get to spend all day with your son."

"But what about having dinner with Oliver? And tucking him in at night? Letting him sleep with you when he has a bad dream?" Mrs. Knight pointed out.

"He doesn't work every night, right, James?" Kendall argued.

"Most nights," James said, feeling lost and a little entertained that mother and son were arguing over his career choices.

"Doesn't he ever ask where you go at night?" Mrs. Knight asked James.

"Sometimes. I just tell him I'm going to work."

"I mean, maybe it's not the best career option once Oliver's older. But right now I think you're doing the best thing. I mean, do you like the job?" Kendall asked him.

"For the most part."

"How could anyone like exploiting themselves for money?" Mrs. Knight asked worriedly.

"Mom!" Kendall hissed.

"I mean, are you really comfortable with that?" she asked James.

"I've been doing it since before Olly was born…" James shrugged, suddenly losing his appetite and setting his sandwich aside. "And I'm just… Naturally comfortable in my own skin."

"Why? Normally men aren't so-"

"Mom! Jesus!" Kendall growled to his mom. "Stop questioning him. He's a grown man."

James was lost, staring at his plate, just wanting to leave. He wasn't comfortable anymore. He didn't want to talk about this subject. It was something he had pushed into the back of his mind all these years, ignoring, and now Mrs. Knight was making him acknowledge it. He didn't want to remember what happened to him as a child… What made him forget that his body was sacred, that naturally he should be afraid of other people seeing it…

"I'm sorry," Mrs. Knight said to him. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just want what's right for Oliver. You seem like a great father."

"He's a wonderful father," Kendall said. He stared at James, who didn't look up, and sighed, getting up.

"C'mon, James. Oliver made you something last time he was here. He forgot it," he said, pulling James up by his hard bicep. James was silent as he was led into the dining room.

Kendall took a piece of paper from the top of the China cabinet and handed it to James.

James stared at the drawing made from crayons. There was a big stick figure with brown hair and green eyes beside a smaller version of it, hearts littering everywhere. Above the little one was a very sloppy "Olly" with the "Y" turned backwards.

"I- I didn't know he could write," James said softly, staring at the letters.

"Only that," Kendall said. "He did it all on his own."

"Are you serious?" James said, refusing to look up because he was afraid he might cry. "He's only four."

"I told you, man. He's… He's so smart."

James blinked rapidly before putting the picture down.

"Tell me what's going on," Kendall said softly.

"Nothing."

Kendall was silent, sitting on the table before James.

"Something," he persisted.

James hesitated before sighing.

"I just feel like such an awful father," he finally said.

"What?" Kendall laughed a little. "James, you're such a good dad."

"I didn't even know he could write his name."

"Probably his mom taught him," Kendall shrugged. "You're still learning things about him."

"And… Wouldn't any other dad automatically know that quitting stripping is best for his kid?"

"In your defense, I don't think it is," Kendall said reasonably. "And I went to college, so I know."

James let out a choked giggle, rolling his eyes at Kendall and making Kendall laugh, too.

"You're new at this, James," Kendall reminded him. "But honestly, you're exactly what he needs. The perfect dad for him."

James finally looked into Kendall's eyes and found a bit of comfort.

"I mean, if my old man was even half the dad you are, I'd probably be less of a prick," Kendall grinned.

"You're not a prick," James assured. "You're… Friendly."

What Kendall said about his father not being very good brought up yet more to James. He didn't know about Kendall's dad, but James's father was hardly in the picture at all. Maybe that was why James was struggling so hard to be perfect for Oliver- his own father wasn't a good one.

"Too friendly for your liking," Kendall laughed a little.

"You just take some getting used to," James assured. "I'm getting there. I swear."

"Good," Kendall beamed. He paused a second, thinking, before he spoke. "Listen, bro. How about you take a break from being Daddy? Leave him here with Mom and Katie and go out with me."

"Like a date?" James asked stiffly.

"Not every gay guy is out for your ass, James," Kendall said smartly. "Some of us are cool with just being friends with an insanely hot dad."

James tried searching for a way to tell Kendall that he, too, was gay, but then he realized that Kendall was flirting with him. Of course James was flirted with every day of his life, but rarely ever was he flirted with by a man he was attracted to.

He was definitely attracted to Kendall. There were times James liked Kendall a lot, like now, when he was using his best charm. Even when Kendall was begging for James to open up to him, to break down his walls, James was still touched by how much Kendall cared.

"Where are we going?" James answered, making Kendall grin proudly.

"I- I dunno," Kendall stammered, giving James the impression that he didn't think he would say yes. "I'll figure something out. How about… Friday?"

"I have to work Fridays."

"Right… Duh… How about… Tomorrow?"

James's brows jumped up in surprise, but he laughed a little.

"I'm free," he answered.

* * *

**Okay, so I know you want to kill me for not really saying anything about why James is so weird. But it's gonna be revealed soon!**

**Don't think I'm abandoning my stories or anything! I'm just busy is all. :D**


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